Thursday, January 12th, 2017 02:59 am

Minimal Life Update

panicnhysteria: (matt)
[personal profile] panicnhysteria

I was going through my abandoned FF Inbox and I was amazed at how much more confident I was!!
I found messages from 2012 with me acting as a virtual social butterfly, all smiles and politeness and talking about myself to strangers, thanking them for a review or discussing a chapter and even asking for translation permissions.
I couldn't believe that used to be me. I'm always saying "I've always been shy and I was born like that so I cannot change it" and I thought I was getting better but apparently not.
Nowadays I'm terrified of "speaking up" online in other people's bussiness. Even the friendliest of posts inviting people to just comment make me nervous. I know people in LJ that I'd really like to talk with because I find them interesting or they seem to be great and I don't do anything. I've read people hating their loneliness or asking for anyone to be there for them and I want to do something but my hands freeze up at the thought and I hate it.
If my real life social skills have not improved and my virtual social skills have worsened, what can be the reason? I thought so many years meeting people through the internet would have increased my online confidence xD it doesnt make any sense

Date: 2017-01-12 10:52 am (UTC)

From: [identity profile]

Many, many hugs to you.

Know you are not alone. I too was way more confident online before (not even 3 years ago). I made all sorts of friends all over the world. Now I'm hiding and hoping everyone forgets about me (while of course, secretly hoping they won't really).

The internet makes socialising both harder and easier at the same time.
You can think longer about what to say to people and it's easier to pretend to be somewhat different from who you really are.
But at the same time, there is no body language at all, or even tone of voice. Written words can be so much more easily misunderstood.
And when you're not confident about yourself, you always will think the worst of yourself. That you said the wrong things at the wrong time to the wrong people.

But you know what? You're already being so brave just because you posted this. Let us both try to be a bit less scared.

Hugs and more hugs. You'll get there.

Date: 2017-01-15 09:42 am (UTC)

From: [identity profile]

Many, many hugs to you too.

You managed to describe exactly how I'm feeling about the insecurity of expressing myself online. That reason alone made me think how on earth I was going to reply to your comment, but you understand the struggle so I feel better about that. You never fail to comment on whatever I post so I don't feel ignored and I'm really grateful for that.

Here's to keep working on it and (maybe) getting better bit by bit. Thanks:)

Date: 2017-01-15 09:48 am (UTC)

From: [identity profile]
It made me smile that you replied to my comment. You made another step. Good for you.

You'll get back there someday. Little step by little step.


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