Tuesday, May 30th, 2017 10:01 pm

Week developments

panicnhysteria: (Default)
Hi! Yet again, no update. I really am not true to my word, right? But this week (from the 23rd to the 30th) has been full of events and, as usual, I shall express all of it here, so be prepared.

Tuesday, May 23rd )~

Wednesday, May 24th )


Thursday, May 25th )

Friday, May 26th )


Saturday, May 27th )


Sunday, May 28th )


Monday, May 29th )Continue here... )


Tuesday, May 30th )
panicnhysteria: (matt)

Was this the authority figure hiding the ugly truth? or was this a way to say that what only matters in life is the legacy you leave in the world? Either way, I love Diego and Frida and I'm glad I know more about the subject, they seem human now, not this perfect power couple in the world of Mexican painting that everyone sees on the outside.

Sorry for the annoying handwriting, by the way

Thursday, January 12th, 2017 02:59 am

Minimal Life Update

panicnhysteria: (matt)

I was going through my abandoned FF Inbox and I was amazed at how much more confident I was!!
I found messages from 2012 with me acting as a virtual social butterfly, all smiles and politeness and talking about myself to strangers, thanking them for a review or discussing a chapter and even asking for translation permissions.
I couldn't believe that used to be me. I'm always saying "I've always been shy and I was born like that so I cannot change it" and I thought I was getting better but apparently not.
Nowadays I'm terrified of "speaking up" online in other people's bussiness. Even the friendliest of posts inviting people to just comment make me nervous. I know people in LJ that I'd really like to talk with because I find them interesting or they seem to be great and I don't do anything. I've read people hating their loneliness or asking for anyone to be there for them and I want to do something but my hands freeze up at the thought and I hate it.
If my real life social skills have not improved and my virtual social skills have worsened, what can be the reason? I thought so many years meeting people through the internet would have increased my online confidence xD it doesnt make any sense

panicnhysteria: (matt)
So, my scholarship is most probably lost, but it's still not something sure (I guess I was stressed enough that my mum has started saying "you know what? If you don't keep it, it's okay, let them do whatever they want, don't worry about it" and I've felt SO MUCH BETTER ever since. I feel like a bad person, because despite my efforts it feels like I'm giving away a great opportunity, but at the same time I feel relieved because, no matter how much I would get, to me nothing is worth being constantly stressed and worried about. At least in this case my mental well-being comes first.

Also, I'm not sure if I've mentioned this before but I've been playing percussions in a marching band (quite a challenge since there are basically NO marching bands in my city, we're like "the trend" right now?) and so far we've "performed" like ten times, of which two of them have been real parades (4 kilometers each time). And we were completely mediocre at it since we have never marched in our lives, but people liked us and we were never out of tune (out of breath, in pain but still working haha). I've made friends there which is quite cool, I don't use to do it but we all love music so we always have something to discuss, thankfully.

I finished my semester with an amazing 98 out of 100 (I guess it's equal to an A- or something? I don't really know) so I'm quite proud of myself, even if the struggle was too much sometimes. I came out to a total of 5 classmates and fortunately they were all supportive. I've been lucky enough so far that everyone who knows about my sexuality is completely okay with it. I hope it remains like that. The year is ending and I really don't have anything to complain about right now.
Thursday, October 27th, 2016 03:27 am


panicnhysteria: (matt)

I'm back... To complain about stuff and ask questions. Yeah, hi!

So first of all, today I was walking to my house and I felt a weird uncomfortable ache in my back, I twisted a little and I swear some bone cracked and it was scary as hell, luckily there was no pain or further discomfort after that so... i guess it's okay

Second complaint! Is it bad to like school?
Last week I had to do the "teamwork" worthy of 3 classmates because the website needed to collaborate "suddenly" didn't work on their computers. One side of me was planning on not giving a fuck ans receivinf a failing grade just to show the teacher how damn lazy and easily-defeated they were... But the bigger side of me was terrified of getting a bad grade so I did a pretty awesome but totally unfair work for my team. Later on I received extra points for this, but a really close friend started saying if I couldn't stop doing everyone else's work it was because I liked letting people use me and I felt awful after that.
Like... I'm smart, I know I am and I consider myself pretty lucky because that's the only reason I'm not failing every class at the moment (because I'm lazy and terrified of socializing so I only depend on that lol) so when I find myself working more than my part, I find it unfair, but besides the extra time I don't really "suffer". Anyways, I felt awful and at the same time resigned because I know my classmates won't change... Ever. So I'll still be "used" from time to time and that sucks.
Aaaand I'm the one thar jumps up at the chance of explaining things or doing classwork During the class, and everyone looks at me like I should be doing something else but... Whatever

And finally!!! A question that my English teacher and I argued about yesterday. For a written test I had to write a story.
In said story I wrote "The raindrops felt heavy on my face".
The teacher marked that as a mistake, saying: "The correct way to write it would be 'The raindrops felt heavily on my face' because if you're adding a word after a verb it Must be an adverb"
To which I thought 'Hell no', because "felt heavily" sounds wrong (yeah, I have no real evidence supporting me yet). It kind of sounds like the raindrops were feeling something?
So both the teacher and I ended confused and now I'm asking here because.... Most people here speak English as their first language so you must be reliable sources to solve the dilemma xD
Was it "felt heavy" or "felt heavily"?
Let me know!

panicnhysteria: (matt)
Ok so if anyone read this post and only saw dispair, here's the updated version. I think posting it and really seeing what I was doing was the textual kick in the butt I needed to start working.
Interesting... )
Wednesday, December 9th, 2015 11:41 pm

My first Muse gig!

panicnhysteria: (matt)
After a LOT OF TIME, I finally got updated with my life to post my experience! Better now that I remember all of it and I don't want to forget any part of it.

And the trip began... )
panicnhysteria: (matt)
Yes, I'm back. Someday I'll be back posting a story instead of my thoughts, but this will have to do for now.

Here, here )
Sunday, August 30th, 2015 03:26 am

That Girl...

panicnhysteria: (matt)
The subject I can't leave out!

Why? )
panicnhysteria: (matt)

I don't know who will read this or who will care about it, but it feels good to let out all the stuff that is going on inside my mind. So... I don't care. But I love telling things and I love people commenting on it (attention seeker much?) so, comment if you even read this.

A few hours ago I posted a picture on instagram about the things I don't have. One of those things is a partner... as in, a romantic partner. I've accepted I like both boys and girls now. I don't have a problem with it. But it seems like there's absolutely nothing normal about my love interests. But before I get to the present, I'd like to talk about my past.
Find out here... )
Friday, December 19th, 2014 02:38 am


panicnhysteria: (matt)
Blah Blah Block... )
panicnhysteria: (matt)
I'm so happy that I need to rant!
Crazy times ahead! )
panicnhysteria: (matt)
Read more... )
panicnhysteria: (matt)
What. The. Fuck.

So, my plans to write at least one short MS fanfic is still there... but I'm not even close to doing it.
Everytime I decide to start, I get attacked with mental questions and problems
I don't know enough english... and everyone's gonna hate it.
I like to read because it makes me happy, but also I don't want to go out there with the stuff in my mind to receive bad criticism... Yeah, I know it's all part of making you a good writer, but I'm a little coward, so I decide not to do it.
The plot is there. The scenes are in my head. My hands are ready to write, but there are some things with the language (I don't know how tell between American english and "English" english) that I need to know before I can write peacefully.
And to know that I need to do lots of research... or ask for help
Sadly, this is where I know close to no one that know how to teach me.
So yeah. It'll be amazing when I write it. Until then... I'll have to keep trying to learn.
Saturday, January 11th, 2014 07:42 am

What Lies Beneath

panicnhysteria: (matt)

And I just spend all my sleep-time reading [livejournal.com profile] evil_angel 's fic.
I think I've died and gone to heaven!
I'm crazily shocked!


Some minor-major spoilers HERE )

Tuesday, January 7th, 2014 05:00 am

Touchy Feeling

panicnhysteria: (Default)
That weird moment. It was a rare moment. Something like right now.
I'm used to skip songs on my playlist just to get to my favorite ones.
It's at moments like this, when I close my eyes and open my heart, that I remember why I love music and why I put those songs there

Posted via m.livejournal.com.


panicnhysteria: (Default)

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